I don’t know if it is my age, the fact that my parents are reflecting back over their lives, or because I’ve just recently finished watching a documentary about the life of Robin Williams but I find myself compelled to ask ‘what more can I do to make my life extraordinary?’. This month’s blog explores how to take an inspired feeling to live your best life and make it happen day by day.
Robin Williams died in 2014. Knowing that he was originally diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease which my father has was in part why I felt drawn to watch the documentary. He was relatively young at his death – only 63 – but it was clear from the many interviews and tributes that he made a difference to a lot of people. He certainly influenced me through one of his early films.
In the year that I was graduating from University, 1989, Williams played the part of teacher, John Keating, in the film Dead Poets Society. If you’ve seen it, you will no doubt remember his words to his students as they gathered around a photograph of previous students from many years before:
“They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? – – Carpe – – hear it? – – Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”
How do we hold on to that feeling of hope and grab life and our careers with both hands?
I’m putting 3 key elements out there from my perspective:
- Be aware of your own mortality. This is not an encouragement to invoke fear and anxiety through contemplating death but instead to recognise that, while we may have many years ahead, time passes quickly and making choices today rather than putting them off until tomorrow can mean we can feel more ‘complete’ in the longer term. A study in 2017 found that one form of mortality awareness can drive the need to leave something behind after we are gone which can be a highly creative force.
- Remove the power of limiting assumptions. While we need to make assumptions in our day to day lives and careers so that we aren’t working out everything from scratch, we do need to recognise that sometimes we need to challenge assumptions which we are holding to be true if we are going to make changes. If we don’t, those assumptions will negatively impact our behaviour. Let’s say that you would like to take that next career step but are assuming you are not experienced enough, there will be better candidates than you, and that you won’t be able to perform well in that role. What are the chances of you applying for the role, or, if you do, having a successful interview? We need to be able to recognise when we are making assumptions and see what other credible, and more liberating assumptions we could consider instead. As Margie Warrell says in her book ‘Stop Playing Safe’ “Only when we are willing to unlearn what we already know … can we navigate forward in our work, career and lives more efficiently”.
- Revise your habits. Our lives are the sum of our daily habits. A habit is a behaviour that, when repeated in the same situation over and over again, and reliably rewarded, becomes automatic. Unlike other kinds of behaviour, a habit runs on autopilot when triggered. Why? Because mental links are gradually forged between a trigger cue, behaviour, and reward. What this means is that the hopes and dreams we set for ourselves that seem unachievable need to be broken down to smaller component building blocks that we can weave into our daily habits.
For example, soon after my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease I signed up for a half marathon to raise money for Parkinson’s UK. At that point I had never run further than 10K (less than half of a half marathon). I was motivated because I believed in the cause. I knew that the time was now (I was already 50 and could only imagine the challenge getting harder as I got older…an assumption admittedly!). I explored and removed limiting assumptions such as ‘last time you trained for a half marathon you got a repetitive strain injury and you’ll get one now’ replacing with ‘If I am prepared through a balanced training plan I will be able to compete the half marathon’. Then came the habit forming. I decided to base my training plan around running at a nearby lake that I loved to spend time at. My trigger cues were partly around time and caffeine! I would work for a couple of hours and then feel I needed a mental break. Having a coffee got me more alert and ready to run. My reward was a decent lunch on return from my run. I also got rewards from completing a lap of the lake because one part was so beautiful that it kept me going to get to it. While this is a non work example, the principles are the same within the work environment.
So, in summary, if you are feeling that you want more from your career or your life, the way to do that is to seize each and every day, firstly, by tapping into the realisation that life is short. This quote from Marie Beynon Ray sums it up “Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand. . . and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.” Secondly, identify and displace any limiting assumptions, replacing them with something that will support you in your aim. Finally, cultivate habits each and every day to take you in the right direction.
