You might recognise this. You are capable, committed and experienced, yet in certain moments you do not feel confident. You hesitate. You wait for more information. You feel less ready than you would like. These moments can be frustrating, especially when you know you can do what is being asked of you.
This blog introduces a simple five day reflection I have created as a stand‑alone tool. It is a starting point for understanding yourself better and building feelings of confidence.
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I am often surprised by how many coaching clients tell me they believe they should have a detailed career plan that maps out every step to a future role. They feel they ought to know exactly where they are heading and how they will get there. The reality is that this belief is not true. It is a myth. And it is a myth that often stops people from having any career intentions at all because creating a perfect plan feels too difficult.
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I first wrote this article on LinkedIn in 2017.
I’m sharing again as a celebration of the wonderful life of my 4-legged companion Bramble: 16/03/2014-20/05/2026.
Dogs teach us so much and it hurts so much when they are no longer with us but I wouldn’t change anything about my time with her – she was a sweet soul and touched the lives of everyone she came into contact with. Thank you Bramble.
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I had a very meaningful Saturday day out last weekend. My sister and I visited Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust with our husbands.
This was a favourite place for our parents and we have happy memories of times spent with them spotting rare birds through binoculars in hides, having picnics, jumping across the stepping stones with my nieces, their grand-daughters, and taking the canoes out on the wetlands.
At Mum’s funeral, we collected for Slimbridge and were able to donate to support their work which Mum was very passionate about. We also made a personal family contribution to have a leaf engraved in our parent’s memory and this was the first time we had been able to visit since it had been added to the remembrance tree.
It was a moving and special moment to see the leaf. The pavilion structure where the remembrance trees were housed was cool and peaceful. I took some time to be grateful for my parents and all they were and how they shaped me and my life.
A moment like this helps you keep connected to what is important and keep perspective about what matters which can be so easy to lose in the fast pace of our day to day.
As I stood there, I found myself thinking not just about who they were, but about how they shaped who I have become. This was through me seeing day by day the values they lived by, the way they treated people, the causes that they supported.
I also recognise that my Dad had some regrets. He would have been the first to admit that he was risk averse .. from good intentions I think – keeping the family secure as the main breadwinner for one. He was very humble and didn’t recognise what others could see so well – that he was kind, thoughtful and considerate and that these were valued leadership characteristics from those that worked for him rather than him being weak in any way which I think is how he thought he was. This in turn has shaped me; I take more risks than perhaps I would naturally be inclined to and I aim to be bold, moving through self-doubt and thinking more of positive ‘what ifs’ rather than negative ones.
It also made me think about what shapes us now including the habits we fall into, the expectations we carry that are more about what others want than what we want, the pace we live at, and the people that get our best energy. Reflecting on these can help us check that we are living life (and working) in a way that works for us.
Years ago, someone introduced me to the idea of writing your own eulogy. Not in a morbid way, but as a way of checking whether the life you are living lines up with the life you hope people will remember. If someone were to describe me in a few decades’ time, what would I want them to say and am I spending my days in a way that makes that possible? On that day at Slimbridge I think I was .. spending quality time with my family and being grateful for the memories, conversation and beauty of nature.
We left the pavilion and wandered back out into the sunlight, watching the geese with their goslings, listening to the children getting excited as they fed the ducks, and remembering old stories. It reinforced the need to keep choosing what matters, to stay connected to the people and places that are important, and to make sure the life I am living reflects the things I would one day hope to be remembered for.
A teacher once wrote in my primary school report that I would never get anywhere if I didn’t stop worrying and being a perfectionist. Or words to that effect. I can still remember how deeply hurtful it felt at the time. I think she meant well. I hope she did. I was just trying to do my best.
I sometimes ran home from school in tears because I was so worried about a weekly spelling test. I would make myself ill through anxiety. That comment didn’t help. It reinforced the way that I had started to think about myself.
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A lot of highly capable people stay in roles they’ve quietly outgrown because they’re hoping someone will eventually notice their potential.
When we talk about it, they have what feel like good reasons for them such as:
If any of that feels uncomfortably familiar, you’re not alone.
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I was due to attend a local networking event this morning but it quickly became clear that was not going to happen because the rain has been so continuous that my village is cut off due to flooding.
What it has meant however is the opportunity to work further on my new programme that will enable aspiring leaders to develop grounded confidence – to shape their thinking to support this, to develop their skills and behaviours to enable this, so that they can own their work, career and life choices and move towards them.
This will be for people who are great at their jobs but held back by self doubt, helping them show up with the confidence everyone else already thinks they have.
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It’s that time of year again. The time when I take stock, take some rest, share lovely times with friends and family … and write a poem or reflection for my monthly Blog post!
This year, I’m focusing on Gratitude .. and using the word to give me the starting letter of each paragraph (the traces of engineer in me likes the structured approach to creativity!)
Here goes:
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We often live our lives without taking stock of HOW we are living them and this can mean we may not be being the person we would like to be as described by others. When we are leaders and managers in the workplace, we have the opportunity to shape others’ experiences positively, neutrally or negatively every day. It is worth doing this with intention so that we have the impact that we would wish to.
Yesterday was Mum’s funeral. My sister, Sue, and I prepared a tribute that includes a summary of Mum’s life story and our key memories. The tribute said a lot about who she was as a person and the impact she had on others.
As a coach, I sometimes encourage people I work with to write the tribute that they would like to have said about them at their own funeral as part of work on their life vision. Some find it difficult. When done honestly, it can provide insight into what can be continued, as is, in terms of behaviour, who you spend time with and why, and what you do, as well as where changes might be needed so that others truly can give you the tribute you would like.
My Mum wouldn’t have completed an exercise like this and yet her clear set of values shone through; lots of people can to speak to me after the service to share their own memories which time and time again reinforced these same values.
It really brought to life for me the importance of knowing who you are, what you stand for, what you care about, and consistently living in line with these elements, both at work and more widely.
Reflecting on the music that we selected for the funeral (some chosen by Mum) I also considered how music can be the theme tune to different chapters of our lives.
Mum was a big Freddie Mercury fan and she loved ‘I was born to love you’. Her love for my Dad was a big part of her life .. they met at the ages of 4 and 5 and were married at 20 and 21 reaching their 60th wedding anniversary in 2019. Like all marriages, they had tough times to work through but Mum always found a way to support and love Dad, while also being true to herself and making time for other things that were important to her.
Mum also had some tough times to deal with – 4 miscarriages, making her a ‘geriatric’ mother at 28 when she had me, caring for her Dad who had cancer, and then a long period living with vascular dementia. She was not one to complain and she showed real resilience. Climb every Mountain from the Sound of Music was a favourite of hers – she really did ‘Climb every mountain,ford every stream’ in relation to the challenges thrown at her.
The song we had playing as we left the church yesterday was one that Mum could still sing or hum along to even in her later stages of illness and it brought joy to her – ‘Let’s go fly a kite’ from Mary Poppins – it was uplifting and seemed to symbolise hope. In a way, this was the framing for how my sister and I aimed to give Mum the best quality of life that we could.
Clearly, my thoughts for this month stem from some poignant reflecting over my Mum’s life and they give me renewed energy to refresh my own capture of how I’d like to be remembered and the theme song for this next chapter of my life and career. I’m not sure what song is going to be the right one at the moment but I intend to find out as I move through my grief but also at what feels like a time of renewal with a new year upcoming.
Have you considered how you would like to be remembered and how that can be demonstrated by you day in and day out? What theme would be playing now for how you are living your life? Does it align with the overall impression that you want to leave behind you? If not, pick a new theme and sing it loud!
Ever thought that you are in the wrong type of career but feel you have invested too much to change it now?
When I had the realisation I didn’t want to continue my career as an software engineer but wanted something very different, I was devastated.
That’s a strong word but I am not exaggerating the strength of the feelings that I felt.
And yet here I am many years later having changed career not once but twice. So what happened and how might what I learned help you if you are considering the same?
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