Choosing what matters

I had a very meaningful Saturday day out last weekend. My sister and I visited Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust with our husbands.

This was a favourite place for our parents and we have happy memories of times spent with them spotting rare birds through binoculars in hides, having picnics, jumping across the stepping stones with my nieces, their grand-daughters, and taking the canoes out on the wetlands.

At Mum’s funeral, we collected for Slimbridge and were able to donate to support their work which Mum was very passionate about. We also made a personal family contribution to have a leaf engraved in our parent’s memory and this was the first time we had been able to visit since it had been added to the remembrance tree.

It was a moving and special moment to see the leaf. The pavilion structure where the remembrance trees were housed was cool and peaceful. I took some time to be grateful for my parents and all they were and how they shaped me and my life.

A moment like this helps you keep connected to what is important and keep perspective about what matters which can be so easy to lose in the fast pace of our day to day.

As I stood there, I found myself thinking not just about who they were, but about how they shaped who I have become. This was through me seeing day by day the values they lived by, the way they treated people, the causes that they supported.

I also recognise that my Dad had some regrets. He would have been the first to admit that he was risk averse .. from good intentions I think – keeping the family secure as the main breadwinner for one. He was very humble and didn’t recognise what others could see so well – that he was kind, thoughtful and considerate and that these were valued leadership characteristics from those that worked for him rather than him being weak in any way which I think is how he thought he was. This in turn has shaped me; I take more risks than perhaps I would naturally be inclined to and I aim to be bold, moving through self-doubt and thinking more of positive ‘what ifs’ rather than negative ones.

It also made me think about what shapes us now including the habits we fall into, the expectations we carry that are more about what others want than what we want, the pace we live at, and the people that get our best energy. Reflecting on these can help us check that we are living life (and working) in a way that works for us.

Years ago, someone introduced me to the idea of writing your own eulogy. Not in a morbid way, but as a way of checking whether the life you are living lines up with the life you hope people will remember. If someone were to describe me in a few decades’ time, what would I want them to say and am I spending my days in a way that makes that possible? On that day at Slimbridge I think I was .. spending quality time with my family and being grateful for the memories, conversation and beauty of nature.

We left the pavilion and wandered back out into the sunlight, watching the geese with their goslings, listening to the children getting excited as they fed the ducks, and remembering old stories. It reinforced the need to keep choosing what matters, to stay connected to the people and places that are important, and to make sure the life I am living reflects the things I would one day hope to be remembered for.