This Sunday, in the UK, it is Mother’s Day; a day when we celebrate our Mums – who they are or who they were. This year, I want to also celebrate how my Mum has influenced who I am as a leader .. in the past as demonstrated, I hope, in my Corporate Career, and more recently as I lead my own business and aim to role model leadership to those that I work with.
Four key characteristics come to mind:
(1) Care
Some of my earliest memories are of my Mum helping other people. She has great empathy for others and what they are going through. She has provided a listening ear, practical help, car lifts and company to many over the years. She also recognised what I needed as a student studying A-levels when I used to get anxious and worry to the point of not wanting to be at school. I still remember now how she’d sing and dance with me in the living room to Freddie Mercury ‘I was born to love you’ as a pre A-level exam relaxing strategy before I headed off to the exam hall!
I really value the characteristic of caring for others. As a leader, I believe it helped me to consider what others were coping with at work and at home and to find a way to support them. Today, I bring this to my coaching but also to ensuring I meet the needs of groups that I work with to build high performing teams or to support their professional development.
(2) Humility
I don’t think anyone who knows my Mum would question how humble she is. A self-less person, this played a part in her doing things for others and putting others before herself. At times, I felt I would have liked to see my Mum put herself first – to demonstrate self-care. I suspect she may have felt that this was selfish. I’ve learned to find my own balance in terms of being humble. I recognise it is important to be confident but not arrogant, and that humility enables you to be open to continued learning and deepened self-awareness. I also recognise that it is important to consider how to look after yourself.
(3) Humour
My Mum’s sense of humour is something that I really admire. I’m naturally quite a serious person and have to remind myself sometimes that not everything needs to be taken as seriously as I might naturally do. Mum takes teasing very well too. She’s taken jokes about her height (she’s small) in good humour although you’d often see her poke her tongue out in response… I love the photos I have over the years of her like this!
I remember in my Wrigley days how we’d say to each other when times were stressful ‘it’s only chewing gum!’. I know it is important to keep things in perspective and I think that’s something my Mum has managed to do well over the years with humour to help her.
(4) Resilience
My Mum has had a fair share of difficulties over the years. One that she and my Dad had to find their way through was having 4 miscarriages before she had me. There have been other events in her life including health issues that have been challenging for her. I’m extremely proud of her finding her way through these challenges and being shaped by them but in a positive way. I’m a big fan of Carol Pemberton’s work on resilience and Carol shares the following definition of resilience which helps me to consider what I am learning and how I am growing as I go through tough times of my own: “The capacity to remain flexible in our thoughts, feelings and behaviours, when faced by a life disruption, or extended periods of pressure, so that we emerge from difficulty stronger, wiser, and more able”.
In summary, I would like to thank my Mum for her lessons in leadership, particularly in the areas of care, humility, humour and resilience that continue to make sense to me today.
Finally, whether you believe in nature or nurture or a combination of the two, it could be a useful exercise to consider how you’ve been influenced in your leadership style by your Mum; you may not have ever considered this question, but take a moment now to let me know how your Mum has shaped you as a leader or perhaps how what you learn from reflecting could help you shape your leadership in the future.
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