Worried about virtual performance conversations? Lay good foundations.

It’s that time of year when annual performance reviews tend to happen. As a manager, this can be a cause of anxiety when our thinking drags up concerns about how your team member might be viewing their performance compared to how you see it.

We can have the same types of worries through the year when we need to have a conversation about how work is going and know that some constructive feedback is in order; layer on what might be perceived as the additional complexity of now holding such conversations virtually when your used to having them face to face and before you know it you can be having a sleepless night.

But.. it doesn’t have to be this way. All it takes is focusing on the right foundations for your team, as a team and as individuals, in order to boost the prospect of an engaging, productive conversation.

What does it take?

When we consider what we need to do, and how we need to behave as managers to enable good performance from our team members, the most obvious focus perhaps is to consider how to be clear on their role and behavioural expectations, to set goals/objectives with team members, to ensure that they are equipped to deliver against these goals, to monitor their progress, to provide encouragement, recognition and occasionally constructive feedback as they work, and to measure performance in line with annual processes. It’s important as part of  the support and monitoring to have regular 1-1 check ins.

While all of these elements are important, on their own they don’t necessarily result in strong performance. The best foundations are to focus first on building a strong authentic relationship with team members and to ensure a team climate that is psychologically safe.

Why focus on building authentic relationships?

Connecting with others is at the heart of human nature – we are wired for connection. Our relationships bring purpose, meaning and even joy to our lives.

At work, with the pressure of tight deadlines and so much to do each day we can easily feel as if there is no time to connect. When working in virtual teams the ability to cultivate meaningful, authentic relationships has become more complex and requires more intentional effort so that we can see each other as people rather than as part of a hierarchy.

As a manager, being intentional about building deep, authentic relationships with each of your team members one to one is an investment that is well worth making. This is because when we really understand each other’s hopes, fears, what has made us who we are, what’s important to us and more, we are more able to feel empathy for each other, to recognise that we want the best for each other, and to have a strong foundation for any work-based conversations to be approached openly, without apprehension, and for mutual benefit. As a result, when it comes to having performance related conversations we are in a much better place than if we only know someone superficially.

How to intentionally build authentic relationships with your team members

1. Start with the right intentions
   This has to be the starting point in an authentic relationship. Ask yourself ‘what is my intention for this relationship?’ Is it purely transactional (i.e. I want to get what I need from them / task focused) or is it relational (i.e. I want a trusted relationship in which both parties look for ways to support and benefit each other?). For a relationship to be authentic your mindset has to be one of a genuine desire to be of value to the other person.
   
2. Ensure your mindset and assumptions support this intent
   Norms about keeping personal and professional life separate can make it seem like it will be awkward trying to get to know someone more deeply than just what they’re working on and yet the most fulfilling way to be at work is to be our whole selves.
   
   Reflect on the assumptions below to see if yours are supporting you in building authentic relationships or holding you back and consider if you might need to replace a limiting assumption with one that is more liberating.
   
   Limiting assumptions could include ‘Making friends at work is not good for productivity.’ OR ‘If I focus too much on building relationships with my direct reports they won’t’ respect me anymore’ OR ‘I don’t have time to spend on building relationships – I’m too busy getting the work done’.
   
   Supportive assumptions could include: ‘It’s important to take an active interest in others – it makes work more engaging and we work better together as a result.’ OR ‘If I get to know my direct reports and they get to know me too we are more likely to understand and respect each other.’ OR ‘Spending time on building relationships speeds up all of our results in the longer term because we trust each other.’
   
3. Build a foundation by showing personal interest through ‘getting to know each other’ questions
   Showing interest in others, both related to work and non-work areas of their lives and remembering details that are important to them can help to build the relationship foundation. If you have a new team member, or to date your relationships have been more task related, take time to enter into 1-1 conversations where you can agree between you questions that you will both answer to help you get to know each other.
   
   Use questions that build positive energy such as ‘What do you like most about your role?’ or What are you passionate about?’.
   
   It is also helpful to be willing to be vulnerable and lead by example – take a risk to share something personal (perhaps answering questions like ‘What dream do you have for the future?’ or ‘What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learned?’). When we show such vulnerability we send a signal to the other person that we trust them and research shows that when we open up and show someone that we trust them, they become more trustworthy and open too.
   
   
4. Build on the foundation in day to day conversations
   In day to day conversations with your team members, be clear, honest and authentic when communicating. Use empathy and take a genuine interest in the ideas and perspectives of others so that conversations are less transactional. With virtual teams, it can be tempting to dive pretty much straight into work on virtual calls, particularly if you have a pressing workload but it is important to remember to ‘go slow, to go fast’. Taking time to check in, to listen, to show you care about your team member’s interests and opinions or to share something personal strengthens the relationship with the result that work will run more smoothly in the longer term.

Finally, building relationships is not only good for business (improving productivity and creativity, and reducing stress), it makes the workplace a more inclusive and engaging place to be. What might you do, starting with your very next team member conversation, to build those relationship foundations so that your performance conversations are as engaging and effective as possible?