Photo Credit: Fizkes
Whether you are about to go after your first job or are just starting a new role, it’s possible that there are times where you doubt yourself: ‘Am I going to be able to do this?’, ‘What if they are over-estimating what they think I can achieve?’, ‘It just seems that everyone else is more confident than me!’
Even the most confident person has occasional moments of self-doubt. Ideally, we overcome these as quickly as possible so that we can confidently go about our work in a way which enables us to reveal what we are capable of such that others trust us and see us as credible. This doesn’t mean overtly demonstrating confidence through an act; people can tell if you are not being authentic. It means knowing yourself and being comfortable about who you are and what you stand for.
Confidence rooted in Knowing Yourself
Knowing yourself starts with knowing your own values and beliefs as well as your capabilities. Being able to articulate these and make decisions from your values is part of helping others to see that you trust yourself, and so they feel that they can trust you.
If you are someone who thinks it is boasting to tell others what your capabilities are you may need to ‘get out of the way of yourself so you can be yourself’ (Amy Cuddy). A degree of humility is helpful at work – it keeps us grounded and enables us to be open to other’s views and opinions. However, not being comfortable to talk about our views and opinions is not helpful. It withholds information that could make the whole better and in doing so we can end up resenting decisions that are made.
We can be very good at making excuses about why we don’t show up confidently and often these are born from limiting assumptions that we are not even aware we have. When I worked in a fairly senior role in a large manufacturing company, I struggled to articulate my opinion at times. My excuse was, that as a reflective, introverted person, I needed more time to fully think through my argument. In fact, I simply needed the confidence to know that I was acting from conviction and that what I said may not be perfect but would add to the thinking of others in the room. Easier said than done perhaps? Actually, it takes some reflection to identify what is holding us back as well as the courage to try things differently.
Photo Credit:Dalton Touchberry
Solving the Confidence Conundrum
If you are finding it difficult to be confident, here are 3 areas to consider reflecting upon and trying something different:
- Do you dislike your field of work? People that love their field of work, who are passionate and enthusiastic, tend to sound expressive and be more relaxed which in turn tends to be seen as confidence. If you are early in career and still determining where you want to focus your work, go after the areas that excite you and that you have a passion for. If that’s not clear to you, move away from things that you don’t like and over time you will discover more of what you do. I began life as an engineer, realised I loved the part of my work that involved motivating people and, over time, moved into people development where my confidence grew.
- Do you feel in competition with others? If you find yourself measuring yourself up against others and coming up short, it is likely you’ve not found a way to be comfortable with who you are. This can take time and, importantly, a realisation that we need to understand who we are as our ‘authentic best self’ – how we are in moments when we are performing at our full potential – our unique blueprint. This doesn’t mean denying our challenging times either; they help to make us who we are. I recognise that times when I experienced stress and anxiety in the past and worked through them have made me more empathetic of others in a way which now supports me as a coach. While it is particularly helpful to ask others for their view, you can start by asking yourself the following questions:
1. What three words best describe you as an individual?
2. What is unique about you that leads to your happiest times and best performance?
3. What are your signature strengths and how can you use them? - Are you letting your mind shape your body? Try the other way around! As Amy Cuddy describes in her TED talk ‘Your body language may shape who you are’, body posture shapes the way we feel as well as the way we think about ourselves. Expanding your body language makes you feel more confident and powerful, less anxious and self-absorbed due to the raising of testosterone (which impacts assertiveness) and reducing cortisol (lowering anxiety). This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to stand tall and spread out your limbs with other people. It can be enough to find somewhere quiet and private before you meet with others and to strike a power pose for a few minutes. Research by Cuddy shows that this works – why not try it?
In summary, at work, confidence starts with being in a field that you love where your passion and enthusiasm can be seen. From there, knowing yourself and believing in that person is a significant help. Finally, when you know that a dose of assertiveness and lessening of anxiety can help, use expansive body language to give yourself a physiological helping hand. Solving the confidence conundrum is an ongoing challenge but one that can be addressed with a little focus.
Sources:
Presence – Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges – Amy Cuddy
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