Image by eroyka from Pixabay
This month the idea for my blog is rooted in an emotional experience I had late Sunday night into the early hours of Monday morning. My Dad had a fall which resulted in a head injury. He’s fine, I’m glad to say. It gave me the opportunity to experience some wonderful NHS care while with him and, as I reflected on the whole experience, I realise that there are some useful learning points that transfer to the business world. If you are a busy manager who might benefit from greater connection with your team members read on.
How the night unfolded
On Sunday evening I received a call to say that my Dad had had a fall and had a deep cut on his head. The paramedics had determined that Dad would need stitches and hence a trip to hospital where I was able to meet him at about 11.30 pm.
It was a busy night in A&E on Sunday. The electronic notice screen explained that the waiting time for triage was about 45 minutes to an hour while the waiting time for being seen by a doctor was 4-5 hours. Fortunately for us, the triage nurse saw us after 45 minutes and decided that we could wait for treatment in the screening area which was away from the noisy main waiting area and also curtained off from other cubicles. It was quieter there. My Dad at 82, and with Parkinson’s, was shaken and tired but being quietly resilient during what turned out to be a further 3 hour wait.
Role model Doctor behaviour
During the time that we were waiting I couldn’t help but hear conversations between doctors and other patients in neighbouring cubicles. As seems to be often the case, there were some patients who perhaps might have been wise to wait until the morning and to visit their GP. They were all treated with respect, calmness, and a listening ear. They were reassured, and in some cases politely educated about the best way to seek medical help. When my Dad was treated, his Doctor took time to reassure my Dad, explained what would be happening, checked he was ok while being stapled, and, perhaps most importantly, took time to BE with him. What I mean by this is that he was unhurried. He was patient when needing to repeat himself when Dad couldn’t hear him. He waited when Dad took time to form his thoughts to reply. He empathised when Dad explained how difficult things were for him. In the noise, busyness and pressurised environment, he created an oasis of calm in which nothing mattered but my Dad.
So, why do I see this as providing some food for thought for managers?
My experience as a coach and mentor to business professionals across many sectors has resulted in me hearing stories from them about their managers not having time for their performance reviews, of not being available for one to ones, who are constantly too busy with other priorities to make time for them. In addition, for those who do have time with their managers, even then a sense that they are not being fully listened to or understood. My reflection is that if a doctor on a night shift in an extremely busy A&E department can give full attention, respect, freedom from urgency and act in a way which says ‘you matter’ then doesn’t that give hope for every person, whatever their job role?
It seems to me, as a certified ‘Time to Think’ Coach and Facilitator, that knowingly or not, the Doctor that treated my Dad created a ‘Thinking EnvironmentTM’ for my Dad (See Nancy Kline’s ‘Time to Think’ for more information). A Thinking Environment is created when ten components are present – ten ways of being together. Five that were key in this case are described below and can be adopted by you as you seek to connect on a deeper level with team members.
How to connect on a deeper level with team members:
- Attention – giving attention means to listen with respect, interest and fascination. It means that you will keep your eyes on the eyes of the person you are listening to and that you will not interrupt them when they are talking. Nancy Kline describes interrupting another as ‘intellectual vandalism’ – you are talking over their thinking implying that what they are saying is not important.
- Ease – being easeful is about offering freedom from rush or urgency. It’s about putting your concerns to one side, being patient as the other person explores their thinking through speaking, and, when speaking, keeping a slow and measured pace that helps create a feeling of ease.
- Feelings – this is about allowing sufficient emotional release to restore thinking. Sometimes we become blocked in our thinking and communication until we can release emotion. That may mean allowing someone to cry if they need to.
Image by Serena Wong from Pixabay
- Place – creating a physical environment that says ‘you matter’. Even in a busy A&E, the Doctor ensured my Dad was comfortable on the treatment couch, that he had privacy and that the light was not too bright for him.
- Encouragement – to encourage requires us to move beyond competition. We don’t need to show who is boss, we don’t need to make the conversation about ourselves or to take up the air time. For my Dad’s Doctor, this was about encouraging Dad to explain key issues and to encourage him to take the time he needed.
So, while it is perhaps easy to see why such an approach is beneficial to the person being given the attention, what’s in it for the manager? It’s a case of sometimes needing to go slow to go fast. What may seem like an investment of time without immediate benefit when you could be doing something else that is urgent, will reap rewards through a deeper connection with your team member. Those who feel listened to, respected, and that they matter will be more engaged with you and their work and, with the deepening of trust that results from being more connected, the speed of achieving results tends to increase (see Covey’s Speed of Trust).
Fortunately, you don’t need to wait for your staff member to be in A&E to provide the same level of attention. What might you do this week to ensure you can give attention to your team members in a way that says ‘you matter’?
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