Tapping into your emotional detective

Photo Credit: Voyagerix

As we say goodbye to one year and hello to another, I find myself thinking about feelings and emotions. I can’t help notice the irony of that sentence as all too often we hide behind thinking instead of connecting to feelings.

Why might this be something you could benefit from considering at the start of a New Year? My proposal is that your year will be richer if you more consciously focus on feelings and emotions because recognising and acknowledging emotions can help us think, emotions can enable us to relate better to others, to manage others, and to manage ourselves.

Emotions in business

My experience of the business world is that we are rewarded for critical thinking and logic, and we judge others on their ability to create arguments and to influence as well as achieving results. There is now a greater awareness of the importance of emotional intelligence in being successful and those that show emotional intelligence tend to be more aware of their own emotions, and those of others and to manage their emotions effectively as well as relating well to others.

Unfortunately, emotions have a bad reputation. Showing emotions and talking about them tends to be something to be avoided and yet, to be a good manager, how can you support your team members if you are uncomfortable with emotions? They are a natural part of being a human being.

An invaluable line management tool

I remember some time ago in one of my first line manager positions being told that one of the team members was a difficult person who wasn’t interested in doing a good job. Always the optimist, I found that hard to believe. Someone else’s labelling of that person could have impacted the way that I treated them. Rather clumsily (but with good intent!) I set about trying to get to know them. Some of the behaviour they exhibited was resistance to taking on work and a reluctance to support others. Gradually, by building up some trust, I found that they felt isolated, excluded, that they were not valued and also anxious that they were not competent enough to take on new work and that working with others would expose this – a lot of feelings that lay behind the outward demonstration of behaviours. From here, I was able to support the employee to overcome her fears and to feel more included and valued.

My point is, an openness to understanding how we feel and in turn working out how others feel and why can be invaluable in supporting high performance.

Tapping into your emotional detective

So, what can you do to be more in tune with both your own and others’ emotions and then use this to support high performance?

Photo Credit: ScottNorrisPhotography

1. Notice your own emotions- the first step is being more in tune with the emotions you are feeling. Part of doing this is to expand your emotional vocabulary recognising that there a hundreds to choose from. This is similar to selecting paint colours from a palette. In times gone by home decorating involved choosing light or dark green, blue, red etc. Now even white has many shades from apple white to pebble white. Emotions are the same. If you are feeling happy, is that contented, cheerful, joyful, jovial, carefree, untroubled, delighted, satisfied, gratified, buoyant, radiant, thrilled, exhilarated, or something else? Take the time to pinpoint exactly how you are feeling and remember that you can feel more than one emotion at a time. This morning while walking on the beach I felt appreciative, uplifted, but also slightly anxious knowing I needed to get back to my laptop!
2. Ask why? – once you have noticed your emotion, play detective and work out why you are feeling that emotion and what is driving it. If you are apprehensive, what is the cause of the apprehension? Is the emotion warranted and once acknowledged can you just let it be? Is it based on assumptions which may or may not be true? Is it an emotion that you are not finding helpful to support you in performing that you might want to take action against? Would it help to talk to someone else that you trust? What would it take to be able to feel a different emotion that is more helpful to you? If it is a positive emotion, how might you use it to fuel high performance? Would it help to share with others in painting the picture of a vision? Is it a sign that you need to recognise someone else’s good work?
3. Express the emotion – the power of words cannot be underestimated. Think about a time when someone recognised you for work well done. If they did this well, they would have explained how this made them feel. Sharing the impact something has on you with others brings additional understanding and appreciation. As a manager and/or leader, showing vulnerability to others who look up to you can build deeper relationships as well as helping them to see that it is ok to not always feel 100% confident. Being able to articulate feelings of nervousness, apprehension, unease, concern related to yourself can take practice but lead to higher performance from others who recognise that they can aspire to your levels of success despite their own areas of lower confidence.
4. Help others to do the same – the first 3 steps can take a degree of focus and repeated practice. The more accomplished you are at recognising your own emotions, naming them precisely, diagnosing why you are experiencing them, and articulating them to others, the more confident you will feel to address emotional issues with others. You will be able to see them as a normal part of life, including our business life, and use them to perform better personally and with others. If you recognise an emotional response in someone else that is affecting their performance, take the time to explore with them what is happening. Let them recognise their own emotional clues (don’t label them for them) and help them discover what is driving the emotion. Offer support to move forward once the issue is clearer.

My intention in the coming months is to expand my emotional pallette so that I can be better in tune with my own emotions and so better able to understand the nuances of emotion in my clients. What might you find helpful in relation to emotions for you and/or your team in order to be even more high performing in 2018?

How am I feeling after completing this blog? Satisfied that is complete, excited in anticipation at the new emotional descriptors I might adopt in my everyday language, and curious as to what you, the reader, might choose to do differently as a result.