Every month I consider what I should blog about wanting my writing to be succinct, the content to have practical tips for managers and leaders, and to share a sense of who I am as a person in the process.
Well, this month is a bit different -I’m writing from a more personal perspective .. because it is the month that I get married (future tense as I write, past tense as you read).
I’ve chosen to write from the heart, and to let my thoughts free-flow (let’s see if the reformed perfectionist can resist editing later!)
As a woman in her 50s who has not been married before, getting married is a big deal for me; to have someone choose to make that commitment to me and for me to return that commitment is filled with emotion .. gratitude, optimism, a balance of calmness on the one hand and excitement on the other, a sense of possibility, and a warm, fuzzy feeling that’s hard to put into words.
I don’t take it for granted. I appreciate that my fiancé and I found each other when we could have been ships that passed in the night .. if he hadn’t written in his dating app profile that he wishes he had had a chance to see Freddie Mercury live with Queen (I did when I was 17 at Wembley) or that he wanted to trek the Inca Trail (I’ve been fortunate enough to have had that experience!) we may not have connected!
I think as I have got older, some of the losses in my life have given me a new found perspective that I didn’t have in my 20s and 30s; I recognise the importance and joy of companionship with someone with similar values, shared enjoyment of simple things like countryside walks and good coffee, how good it can feel to just hold hands while shopping, and the energy and magical feeling you get from lots and lots of laughter together.
Perhaps even more importantly, there is mutual respect. We are quite different in the way that we think and have had different experiences in life. We recognise the wisdom in each other and value seeking perspective and having a sounding board that may see things differently.
There is a little sadness for me at this time too – my Dad is no longer with us, and my Mum has advanced vascular dementia- and I know they would have loved my husband-to-be – his problem-solving nature, his can-do attitude, his kindness, his appreciation of the natural world, and his love of sport (although my Dad supported Arsenal and for some reason my fiancé supports West Ham).
I’m writing this 5 days before our wedding day, as I won’t have time in the last week of May when at the end of my honeymoon .. it’s a time of reflection. As I wrap up work before the day where I get to say ‘I do’ in front of my closest family and some of our dearest friends, I genuinely feel as though a new chapter will have started when I next sit at this desk as a Mrs.
Before my Dad got too ill with his Parkinson’s, he took an interest in our family tree and I then spent some time working on it with a well known on-line site. It fascinated me to see the history and the people that had led to me being here today. In a future time, I’ll be seen on that family tree. While I appreciate I’ll be at the end of one branch, it still means something to me that I’ll be connected to my husband … and… because he knows how much my parents mean to me and that our family name ends with me, he’s taking my name in marriage so it will last just that bit longer… now that means a lot.
So, no profound lessons today or practical tips for leadership but instead a gratitude for this time in my life where I feel whole and happy and a wish for anyone reading this for the same.
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