It’s at this time of year that older teenagers who have finished their schooling start something new whether that’s moving on to the next level of education at school, leaving to go to college, taking an apprenticeship or starting in the world of work. It can be an exciting time … and sometimes it can be a tough time – potentially leaving behind what you know to try something new and feeling like you have to know what you want from your career at a time when you may not even be too sure about who you are.

We face times like these throughout our lives, sometimes at our own instigation, for example applying for a new job in a different organisation, and sometimes not, for example having a role made redundant.

Sometimes we seem to sail through such experiences and at others it takes a huge amount from us to maintain resilience through the change.

Often, with time, we successfully navigate the change as our confidence grows and the unfamiliar becomes familiar. Sometimes, however, we can seem to get stuck in a wave of self-doubt thinking that we can’t make the change successful.

As a manager, it is important to recognise when this happens to someone who reports to you. If they seem to be floundering with new responsibilities or an unfamiliar challenge, what can you do to help them move forward? Managers and leaders are often told that it can be important to tell stories to help others move through change. For example, telling a story to paint a picture can help someone to visualise where they are going or what is required from them.

The importance of listening to stories

Research from Carole Pemberton has shown that it could be even more important to listen to the stories of someone struggling to remain resilient through change, rather than to tell them one. It seems that when we are stuck, we have a narrative that we tell ourselves that shapes our sense of identity. We may not recognise that we have changed how we feel about ourselves except that we know we are not at our best and want to return to a more familiar self. In fact, the best way to move forward is to become aware of our story, to feel heard in the telling of that story, to recognise the change in identity we have taken within the story and to tentatively explore a more enabling identity from which a positive story will emerge.

That’s hard to do for yourself, but good managers who are aware that listening is an even more important skill than story-telling, may be able to help. Managers are notoriously time-poor and could be forgiven for thinking that they are not counsellors and don’t have time to listen to the worries of their team members. However, listening at the right time can, in fact, give them back time later; a team member who is able to explain their concerns and issues without judgement and have their manager reflect back what they have heard can often see things differently through another’s eyes and start to consider alternative possibilities. Supporting a team member in this way can enable them to perform better such that the line manager needs to give them less time in future.

5 steps for a line manager to support by listening

1. Ensure you have time and a quiet space to enable an unhurried meeting in which to listen to your team member
2. Explain to the team member that you would like them to explain the situation that is bothering them in as much detail as possible. They should imagine that they are telling you a story including what is not obvious such as their thoughts and feelings about it.
3. Reflect back to the team member what you have heard. Try not to interpret. Where possible, use as much of the language of the team member as possible, particularly metaphors and unusual phrases
4. Ask the team member if they have had any realisations or insights as they listened back to their story as you told it. Particularly ask them what effect the story is having on them and what, if anything they are noticing about themselves, particularly if different from usual
5. Ask the team member if they can see any different, more positive, possibilities. If they can, ask them how you might support them to enable one of the different possibilities. If they can’t yet, they are not yet ready to let go of their current story but the act of telling it may be a helpful start – suggest that they reflect further and connect with them again in a day or two.

And what if you are a parent of one of those older teenagers? You too might benefit from being a listening ear. When your child was young you may have told them a bed-time story – now’s the time for the tables to turn as you let them tell you a story to help them cope with change.