We often live our lives without taking stock of HOW we are living them and this can mean we may not be being the person we would like to be as described by others. When we are leaders and managers in the workplace, we have the opportunity to shape others’ experiences positively, neutrally or negatively every day. It is worth doing this with intention so that we have the impact that we would wish to.
Yesterday was Mum’s funeral. My sister, Sue, and I prepared a tribute that includes a summary of Mum’s life story and our key memories. The tribute said a lot about who she was as a person and the impact she had on others.
As a coach, I sometimes encourage people I work with to write the tribute that they would like to have said about them at their own funeral as part of work on their life vision. Some find it difficult. When done honestly, it can provide insight into what can be continued, as is, in terms of behaviour, who you spend time with and why, and what you do, as well as where changes might be needed so that others truly can give you the tribute you would like.
My Mum wouldn’t have completed an exercise like this and yet her clear set of values shone through; lots of people can to speak to me after the service to share their own memories which time and time again reinforced these same values.
It really brought to life for me the importance of knowing who you are, what you stand for, what you care about, and consistently living in line with these elements, both at work and more widely.
Reflecting on the music that we selected for the funeral (some chosen by Mum) I also considered how music can be the theme tune to different chapters of our lives.
Mum was a big Freddie Mercury fan and she loved ‘I was born to love you’. Her love for my Dad was a big part of her life .. they met at the ages of 4 and 5 and were married at 20 and 21 reaching their 60th wedding anniversary in 2019. Like all marriages, they had tough times to work through but Mum always found a way to support and love Dad, while also being true to herself and making time for other things that were important to her.
Mum also had some tough times to deal with – 4 miscarriages, making her a ‘geriatric’ mother at 28 when she had me, caring for her Dad who had cancer, and then a long period living with vascular dementia. She was not one to complain and she showed real resilience. Climb every Mountain from the Sound of Music was a favourite of hers – she really did ‘Climb every mountain,ford every stream’ in relation to the challenges thrown at her.
The song we had playing as we left the church yesterday was one that Mum could still sing or hum along to even in her later stages of illness and it brought joy to her – ‘Let’s go fly a kite’ from Mary Poppins – it was uplifting and seemed to symbolise hope. In a way, this was the framing for how my sister and I aimed to give Mum the best quality of life that we could.
Clearly, my thoughts for this month stem from some poignant reflecting over my Mum’s life and they give me renewed energy to refresh my own capture of how I’d like to be remembered and the theme song for this next chapter of my life and career. I’m not sure what song is going to be the right one at the moment but I intend to find out as I move through my grief but also at what feels like a time of renewal with a new year upcoming.
Have you considered how you would like to be remembered and how that can be demonstrated by you day in and day out? What theme would be playing now for how you are living your life? Does it align with the overall impression that you want to leave behind you? If not, pick a new theme and sing it loud!
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