Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

I’ve been reflecting recently on so-called ‘negative’ emotions such as anger and anxiety. The other day I had had enough of having to try to get my Dad’s glasses fixed when the lens had fallen out for what must be the 5th time and I uncharacteristically telephoned the optician while experiencing my frustration and anger; I would normally have waited until I had calmed down. While polite, there was no doubting how I was feeling and the result was a quick resolution of the issue. In the past, my unconscious strategy in dealing with negative emotions like these was to try to diminish them as quickly as possible. Now, in part as a result of reading ‘The upside of your darkside’ by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener, I’m trying new strategies so that I can maximise the benefits of such emotions which include better performance, optimism, motivation, problem solving, creativity and ideas and wellbeing. If you’d like some of that too, read on!

Our relationship with negative emotions is a complex one. While we recognise that it is ok to feel bad in some way– that happens – expressing such feelings, like anger and sadness, is not deemed to be as acceptable generally but it is part of how we communicate with each other. Negative emotions tell us that something is not right and that we may need to do something.

Let’s explore the emotions of Anger and Anxiety to improve our relationship with them:

Anger

Anger in itself is not good or bad – it’s what we do with it that matters. Anger does have a bad reputation though being seen as a strong emotion that can potentially lead to violence. In fact, according to Kashdan and Biswas-Diener, research indicates that only 10% of angry situations result in violence. Anger can result if one of our values is compromised (mine would be ‘fairness’) and is often a result of what other people do or don’t do.

The benefits of feeling angry according to research include an increase in optimism, creativity and effective performance; there are also benefits to expressing anger – it can energise people into being agents of change and, as demonstrated in my case with the optician, lead to successful negotiations! There also downsides to NOT expressing anger including a greater risk of heart attack and being more likely to die earlier than those who do express their anger

Tips to take advantage of these benefits include

1. If you are prone to expressing your anger inappropriately practice reflecting on the type of anger you are experiencing and then being really precise about what type of anger it is (e.g. rage, resentment, indignation, exasperation). People who can pin point their emotions in detail are 40% less likely to become verbally (or physically) aggressive.
2. To express anger in a healthy way, consider starting by indicating that you are uncomfortable at the moment and so may not express yourself as well as you would like to but what you have to say is important. This can help the other person to feel some empathy for you.
3. Be sure to use an appropriate tone when expressing anger, treating the other person respectfully
4. Keep aware of your level of anger, checking in with yourself during the conversation.

Anxiety

Anxiety used to be the bane of my life! As a student I was an accomplished worrier and perfectionist to the extent that anxiety affected both my mental and physical health. Thankfully I worked through that in early adulthood and have since used a little bit of anxiety to good effect. I am not condoning long periods of intense anxiety but a small amount can result in a number of benefits so it can be worth working to become becoming comfortable with a light feeling of anxiety.

The benefits include motivation to do well, improved performance, increased perception (in terms of our vision and hearing), increased problem solving ability, the tendency to care for others, and a drive to do what it takes in terms of data gathering in order to form persuasive arguments to forge alliances.

Tip to handle anxiety in a way that improves performance:

1. When anxiety is present ahead of an event such as a performance, presentation, exam, or important meeting, typical ways to deal with it include to try breathing exercises, relaxation techniques or listening to calming music. While these may reduce anxiety, they don’t necessarily improve performance.
2. Alison Ward Brooks of Harvard Business School conducted research where she had people reframe their anxiety to excitement through saying ‘I am excited’ – while there was no difference in the feeling of anxiety to those who did not reframe, their performance was better by 17-22%. If you are able to reframe anxiety to excitement even artificially there is a shift towards what Brooks calls an Opportunity Mindset.

Embracing negative emotions can improve our emotional agility – the ability to use a full range of emotional experiences. A way to help us to do that is to no longer think of emotions as positive or negative, but instead to consider what is useful or not useful about an emotion in any given situation as we have for anger and anxiety above.

It’s going to take me a bit of practice to view my anger as useful but first attempts to express appropriately have gone well. I’d encourage you to try your own experiment in both precisely labelling emotions and in expressing and using appropriately to your advantage.