Saturday 1st February 2025 is the 5th anniversary of my Dad’s death. He was a kind and gentle man, a hard worker, problem solver, and provider.
As I reflect on his life, I recognise that he is still teaching me and I am still learning from him, much as I did when he was alive.
My Dad was an intelligent man. He passed his 11 plus and made the most of his grammar school education. While his parents couldn’t support him to go to University, he got sponsorship at an engineering company and earned his HND in electrical engineering. He stayed in the same company for the whole of his working life starting as an apprentice and ending up as a senior director.
He was humble and he believed in helping others. He used to mend talking book machines for the blind and was also treasurer for The Rise Trust in Wiltshire – a charity aimed at supporting children and young people.
The end of his life was tough when he was diagnosed with Parkinsons and gradually it made his life smaller .. thankfully he retired early so he got to enjoy some time with Mum before this. Parkinson’s took away his freedom, when he could no longer drive, and his independence when the medication and the affects on his cognition and memory became too much for him to cope. He was also caring for my Mum who has vascular dementia.
Parkinson’s changed his demeanor so that he lost perspective and couldn’t motivate himself to do the things that would slow the progression despite my sister and I trying to help him. It was hard to see this when he had always been such a problem solver and someone who would face into issues.
Dad worried about his funeral (Parkinson’s came with anxiety) – who would want to come? As it happened, we had about 200 people attend … many from his place of work who had lovely memories of him as being fair and kind.
Thinking about him this week reminds me of a number of things that shape the way I work and live:
- Be grateful for, and use, your body with all of its amazing capability – to walk, to run, to dance, to sing, to see and hear the beauty of the world
- Remember that everyone you meet is living life in the best way that they can at that time. They have stuff going on that we don’t know about. Treating people with respect and kindness costs nothing.
- Be there for those that you love. Don’t regret prioritising the wrong things through thinking that you’ll get time for the right things later.
I’ve lost perspective a couple of times lately through having a lot of different things going on. While I am a good multi-tasker, I forget that everyone has their limits.
Thinking of Dad has helped me to prioritise my own mental health.. for now.. and for longer term brain health .. taking that 30 minute walk in the sun when my brain is telling me I don’t have time; cooking a nutritious and healthy meal because my body will appreciate it; working out in the mornings to maintain my bone density and muscle mass.
I’m so grateful to have had my Dad in my life. I miss him terribly but he is with me every day.
On Saturday I’ll be remembering him by playing some of his favourite songs (he loved Whitney Houston ‘I wanna dance with somebody’) and eating his favourite pudding (apple crumble!)
If what you have read resonates with you, consider this question: how can you prioritise future you through your choices today. What one, small thing can you do for yourself?
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